Body swap
by james567
Summary: Cartman and Wendy switch bodies. Set in season 1.


Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny stood on the corner waiting for the school bus. It was spring, yet they were still wearing there winter coats and hats.

"I wonder if Wendy's gonna be on the bus, Dude?" asked Kyle to Stan.

"Mhpf gjht tyif," added Kenny from behind his hood and scarf. Yet, they all seemed to understand him.

"Shut up, Kenny," snapped Stan. "I don't always throw up when I see Wendy!"

"Kick his ass," urged Cartman as always.

Suddenly, the school bus overturned the corner, right into Kenny. He must of went flying about 20 ft. into a big tree. He slumped to the ground motionless.

Kyle, Stan, and Cartman cried out in one voice, "Oh my God. They killed Kenny!"

From out of nowhere, a hearse drove up to the scene, where a man in a black suit proceeded to load the dead body of Kenny into the back.

The doors opened to the school bus. The three friends shuffled in, moving to the back. As they were walking in the aisle, Stan saw the cute face of Wendy.

"Hi Stan. . . ." she greeted, with her friendly voice.

"Oh hi, We. . . ." Stan started to say, before his breakfast erupted like a volcano all over the floor of the bus.

"Dude. You threw up again," yelled Kyle. It seemed Stan always threw up every time he tried to talk to Wendy.

"Yeah. He's a real pussy. Can't even talk to a girl." Snickered Cartman.

"It's okay Stan. At least you didn't throw up on me this time," comforted Wendy.

Stan ran back to the rear of the bus toward his hostile friends. He slumped in the seat with Kyle.

Cartman, seated in the bench seat directly in front of them asked, "Hey Stan? Why didn't you sit with me?"

This was Stan's chance for a little revenge. "Your ass is so fat that nobody could fit on that seat withy you."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Now children. You shouldn't fight on the bus. What's the problem?" inquired Chef.

The kids all looked at each other. How did Chef get on the bus?

"It's Stan, Chef. He throws up every time he sees Wendy."

"Yeah," said Cartman. "He loves her, but he's too much of a pussy to talk to her."

"Shut up, Cartman or I'll sick my dog Sparky on your pot-bellied pig!"

"Ha! She's safe. Your gay dog's only interested in guy animals."

"He is NOT gay, Cartman."

"Is too."

"Is not." The fight broke out again.

"Children, children. Stan your problem is that you need to stop looking at Wendy as if she's an alien. She's a person just like you, me, Kyle or Cartman. If you treat her just like a person, you'll find the sweet love of a woman. There's nothing like the hot burning love of a woman. In fact, I prepared a song about that just for you."

With that, Chef broke into a rousing chorus of "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye.

Neither Stan, Kyle, or Cartman knew what the Hell he was singing about so they just stared at each other blankly. By that time, they were at the South Park Elementary School, and they all scrambled from the bus to avoid the rest of Chef's unique musical torture.

As they were sitting there in class, still clad in their winter coats and hats, Kyle elbowed Stan.

"Psst. I thought about it. Chef's right. Just treat Wendy like she's one of us Dude, and you won't throw up. Just pretend like she's me or Cartman or Kenny."

No one seemed to notice that Kenny was missing, but then it seemed like he was always dying for one reason or another.

"No she's not Kyle. Girl's are different. They aren't even human," Cartman objected.

"Shut up Cartman." ordered Kyle from the other side of Stan.

The class started. The teacher addressed the class. "What are we going to learn today Mr. Hat." Mr. Hat, the hand puppet was the teacher's alter ego.

Mr. Hat responded nonetheless. "We're gonna learn about tolerance today."

"What's tolerance mean?" played the teacher.

"Tolerance means that we respect each other for what they are, and allow them to be what they are, no matter how different they may seem to be."

"Everybody should be the same. Differences are bad!" shouted out Cartman.

"That's not true Eric. We're going to do a little experiment today where we learn a little bit about each other."

"How are we going to do that?" asked Stan.

"We're going to pretend to be each other, with the help of this little machine right here."

There were a lot of "oooohs" and "aaaaahs" although no one had a clue what it was. Finally, Wendy asked, "What is that machine?"

The teacher deferred to the hand puppet. "Could you explain what that is to the class, Mr. Hat?"

"Class that is a brain-switching machine. It's from the sixth grade science project."

"That's right Mr. Hat. What were going to do is switch around two very different people in the class, and watch how they learn how everybody was the same under the skin."

"Who's gonna be switched." yelled the class in unison.

The teacher scanned the class. "Cartman and Wendy."

"I don't want to have a fat ass," protested Wendy uncharacteristically.

"I don't have a fat ass," screamed Cartman back. "Besides. I don't wanna be no girl, I won't be able to kick everybody's ass."

"You can't kick anybody's ass now Cartman."

"Now class, calm down. Wendy? You see? You have a negative opinion about fat people. The things that you say hurt people. If you spend a day as a fat person you'll be more tolerant. And Eric? I heard what you told Stan about girls not being human. If you spend the rest of the day as a girl, you'll see they are just like you and me. At the end of the day, I'll switch you back if you both want to."

Both Wendy and Cartman refused.

"Class, help me out here. Bring them up here to the brain switching machine."

The entire class, without Stan, rushed the two, carrying them up to the science project machine. The class held them down, while the teacher, and Mr. Hat strapped them in.

A few minutes later, the body of Wendy was sitting in Cartman's seat, while the body of Cartman was sitting in Wendy's seat.

Kyle leaned over to ask Cartman, "How does it feel to be a girl Dude?"

Cartman answered, in Wendy's voice, although the tone was distinctly Cartman, "I feel lighter. And smaller."

Kyle quipped, "That's because you don't have a fat ass anymore."

"I'm gonna kick your ass," threatened Cartman.

"Hah. You couldn't kick anyone's as little girl." replied Kyle.

"Shut up Cartman." demanded Stan, who was silent up until now.

Kyle made the observation, "Hey Stan. You're talking to the body of Wendy and you're not even throwing up."

Stan brightened. "Hey you're right. I didn't throw up."

"Chef was right. All you had to do was think of Wendy as one of us. Right Cartman?"

Cartman was busy grumbling and fusing in the body of Wendy.

The teacher announced, "Okay class. You can go out to recess now."

The entire class bounded out of the room to the playground on the outside. In the playground, Stan, Kyle, Cartman in his new body, and Wendy in her new body stood around in a circle.

"I just can't believe it Cartman. You look and sound just like Wendy."

"I'm not Wendy. I don't like this."

"You think I like lugging your big fat body around Cartman?" suggested Wendy in Cartman's voice.

"I'M NOT FAT!" Cartman tried to scream, his voice sounding weak, and feminine.

"You really don't have the urge to puke Dude?" queried Kyle to Stan.

"No. Not at all. I think I'm cured."

"Let's try it and see. Try saying something to Wendy in Cartman's body."

Stan nodded. "Hey We. . . ." True to form, the snack that Stan just ate projected onto the body of Cartman.

"Ewww," everybody said.

"You threw up on my body Stan," cried Cartman. "I'm gonna kick your ass."

"It' s okay Stan," reassured Wendy, as she always did.

"Try Cartman now Dude."

Stan leaned forward, and down toward Cartman.

"Hey. What are you gonna do?" asked a very concerned Cartman.

Before Stan could say anything, he kissed Cartman on the lips. Cartman suddenly felt warm and fuzzy all over.

"See no puke. It's not girls Stan. It's just Wendy's personality that makes you throw up."

"Yeah," beamed Stan suddenly enthused.

"Hey. That was kinda nice," commented Cartman. "That felt good. Maybe I want to stay this way."

"No. That's no fair. That's my body," objected Wendy.

Stan held Cartman's hand. "C'mon Cartman. Let's go play Doctor. I wanna do an exam of you."

"Call me Wendy, Stan. I'm gonna lick your ass." Cartman cooed, squeezing Stan's hand.

"Don't you mean kick my ass?"

"No. I said lick your ass!"

"Ohhhhhh."

Stan led her off to a secluded corner of the playground. Kyle and Wendy could see them stopping every few steps to kiss.

Wendy whined, "That should have been me. I was supposed to be Stan's girlfriend."

Kyle just said, "C'mon Cartman. Let's go kick someone's ass!"

By the end of the day, neither Cartman nor Wendy wanted to switch back. They were both happy with their new situation, and Stan finally got his girlfriend.

The moral of the story? When Chef tells you that were all the same under the skin, tell him that he's full of shit!


End file.
